Ladies and gentlemen
of the class of 99:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you
only one tip for the future
“sunscreen” would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen
have been proved by scientists
whereas the rest of my advice
has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh never mind, you will not
understand the power and beauty
of your youth until they’ve faded.
But trust me, in twenty years
when you look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now
how much possibilities lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future.
Or worry,
but know that worrying is as effective
as trying to solve an algebra equation
by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life
are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind,
The kind that blindside you
at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing
Don’t be reckless
with other people’s hearts.
Don’t put up with people
who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you’re ahead,
sometimes you’re behind.
The race is long
and, in the end,
it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive.
Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters.
Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty
if you don’t know
what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know
didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting
40-year-olds I know
still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees.
You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40.
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do,
don’t congratulate yourself too much,
or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance.
So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can.
Don’t be afraid of it
or of what other people think of it.
It’s the greatest instrument
you’ll ever own.
Dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it
but your living room.
Read the directions,
even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines.
They will only make you feel ugly.
“Brother and sister together
we’ll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you
and guide you there
I know that you’re hurting
but I’ve been waiting
to be there for you
and I’ll be there just helping you out
whenever I can…”
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings.
They’re your best link to your past
and the people most likely
to stick with you
in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,
but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps
in geography and lifestyle,
because the older you get,
the more you need
the people who knew you
when you were young.
Live in “New York City” once,
but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in “Northern California” once,
but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
And when you do,
you’ll fantasize that
when you were young,
prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble,
and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when
either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair
or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy,
but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it
for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
“Brother and sister
together we’ll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you
and guide you there
I know that you’re hurting
but I’ve been waiting
to be there for you
and I’ll be there just helping you out
whenever I can…”
